Let’s talk Bachelorette.
So first, you’ve got to know. This week, I watched the Bachelorette when I got home from work on Tuesday On Demand. With Sam and his Dad. Watching it with boys just isn’t the same as watching it with Tammy and Jolene. Rather than making sassy comments about how stupid the boys are, they just get mad. Or talk about how weird girls are. Or how these guys just want to beat each other, not get the girl. Or how they just are there for the trip around the world. Or how, “I totally would have just left already… she sucks.”
ALRIGHT ALREADY! I know Ashley isn’t the best Bachelorette ever. But she’s at least sharing her feelings and being honest! Sure she’s a little whiny and might get dumped at the alter, and that would be sad. You just can’t help but like the girl!
So, yet ANOTHER note to self: STOP watching this show with boys. And, Tammy and Jojo, I miss you. Jojo, hurry up and pop out that BABY so I can come meet her! 🙂
Firstly, Ashley. I am so glad you finally got rid of Bentley. And also sad that I didn’t think at the beginning of the episode to make it a drinking game… where you drink every time Ashley says “Bentley.” Although, if I had, this post would be in gibberish and I would probably be passed out on the floor. Because she STILL. CAN’T. STOP. TALKING ABOUT HIM! Gross gross gross. Hopefully next week we are seriously done hearing about him. I can’t handle it anymore.
But lets talk about something real quick. You DEFINITELY went in for a kiss there when he opened the door. It made me want to punch you. You were also all, “I’m going to make him tell me what’s up, no more vagueness, blah blah blah” to Chris Harrison, and then you were A GIANT LIMP NOODLE when it came time to actually talking to Captain D-Bag. Fortunately you figured it out and got the gist anyway, but for real. Grow a pair, girl.
So lets also talk about how we have to stop calling this show The Bachelorette, and call it what it really is: Let’s Make Out (And Have a Drink). Right? Right.
Alright, enough about Bentley. Lets move on. Let me tell each of you how I feel about you.
JP — yum yum. Stay around. I saw that preview for the rest of the season though. I’m hoping that stubbly face in the finale is yours. And you don’t break her little heart. And what’s with you only getting dinner dates? No all day, expensive crazy fiasco, just down home (if fancy) dinner and a tram ride. With some steamy steamy kisses from a hilltop.
Lucas — I don’t like you. I think you have a crazy mean temper and are sort of a big fake fakey. And that whole southern charm thing only works for a little while. It was a little cute when you asked for a kiss… but would have been cuter if she didn’t have to move in for the first one. Get a grip.
Ben Winemaker Guy — You’re cute. Stick around. I was glad you didn’t get mad when she shared her honest feelings about the B-word. You’ve got a shot, buddy. And I want to try your wine.
Ames — You’re growin’ on me every week. Bold elevator move. I’m pretty sure you were drunk, but it was pretty cute and obviously Ashley dug it. Nice moves. Sloppy kisses are her thing maybe. Except with JP. Those are just hot.
Ryan — ehhhhh. You’re a little weird. I can’t quite get a read on you. But, you are good at finding Sad Ashley and being her little boost in the day, so that’s nice. Good on ya.
Constantine — get the heck out of here. You still want to be her brother, I think. How did you make it to the final six without a steamy makeout scene!? Better get on that if you want to stick around. But I will turn away. Because you’re yucky.
Mickey — good riddance. I didn’t like you from the beginning.
And Blake — I felt a little sad for you, until I realized that you didn’t care. See ya.
I can’t lie, this season is a little drab. We need some more steaminess. I’m getting bored.