Aw, Phuket.

I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry. I know the title is mildly inappropriate.

But if Bentley is seriously coming back, I might throw heavy things at the TV next week and scream AW PHUKET. Because if Bachelorette Ashley can’t pull her head out and see what he’s doing to her, then this season may not be worth watching.

LET IT GO. HE SERIOUSLY SUCKS. PICK JP.

Ashley. You and me are going to have a little one-sided chat here.

Lets go over this one more time:

Bentley: Left. Acted like a huge massive poopfaced jerk. Wants to come back now that you’re not in LA and he can get a trip around the world out of this. Wants to mess with your head. Wants to get in your bed naked and then leave and never look back. Appears to have a blackened soul and a hard heart. Spends more time in the bathroom doing his hair than I do.

JP: Right. (get it!? Left… Right… I’m feeling clever here.) Cute and has an adorable smile. Appears to be “falling in love” or as close as you can get on a TV show that never really works out in the end. Gives kisses that give girls all over America the goosebumps. In a good way. Is protective and jealous but doesn’t punch people. Deserves more one on one dates. Looks like Joseph Gordon Levitt, who is also cute with an adorable smile. And fits your celebrity look-alike mold.

Alright. Got it? Now lets talk about some of these other guys.

Constantine wants to be a bro, I’m pretty sure. Not a husband. I think he wants to arm wrestle and race and maybe treat you like a little sister. Creepy if you kiss him.

Lucas, Mr. Oil Tycoon. I’m pretty sure I heard him say he never gives up on anything… right after he basically told you he gave up on his marriage. Not smooth. You appeared to miss that whole thing and think he was adorable.

Ames was a big surprise. But I still think he’s not quite it. If your gut reaction was to send him home… you probably should.

I miss West already. He was cute and sweet. I get why you were unsure… but I’m pretty sure you’re just afraid of him and his past. At least on TV, he didn’t get much of a chance.

And, just to point this out one more time… You kept someone extra last week. I’m pretty sure that means you will have to eliminate someone extra at some point. Unless this show now supports polygamy, in which case maybe I will keep watching just for the ew factor. Adding Bentley back into that mix will mean you gotta dump two extras. Just pointing that out.

I hope that the preview that shows you hesitating outside his door results in you running far and fast in the other direction before knocking. Or maybe leaving a flaming bag of poop on his doorstep and then ding-dong-ditching him. Because that’s about all he deserves.

Seriously. If I have to keep talking about Bentley for however many more weeks……. aw, Phuket.

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One thought on “Aw, Phuket.

  1. I love your review…and pretty much feel the same…exept about West. I think he needed to go. But the rest, so in agreement with! Esp. the leaving the flaming bag! I would laugh SO hard!

    Love you Sara!

    t

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