For real. A breakdown. First over a mean joke… but if you seriously thought that a roast was a good idea for a date, you have got some issues. Isn’t the point of a roast to hurt people’s feelings? And you were surprised they said mean things about you? I mean, yeah, they were stupid for doing it, but you pretty much challenged them to do it first. Not wise. Then, I’m pretty sure there was just an hour of crying. Over a serious, serious jerk. Unimpressed. (WHY do I keep watching this show!?)
Ashley, I hope when you are watching this now, you don’t feel stupid, you just feel like he’s a jerk. He seriously played you. You seriously seem to have fallen for a jackwagon (my new favorite insult. I don’t know what a jackwagon is, but it’s fun to say. Say it out loud now. You’ll like it. Jackwagon. Jackwagon.). Anyway, I guess anyone can be fooled by a pretty face and manipulative words. But all the signs were there. Just sayin’. ALSO. Using his daughter as a pawn in his stupid jackass game made me want to punch him in the jugular. And… this “friend” Michelle from Salt Lake City…. is this CRAZY MICHELLE from last season? Because ewwwwwww.
Next. William, you are so, so stupid. It’s nice that she gave you a second chance because you had a cute first date, but no more jokes from you. Especially mean ones that make people cry. Those aren’t funny.
JP. If Ashley doesn’t pick you, please come to my house. I’m sure Sam will understand. You appear to give some seriously steamy kisses and you are cute and nice.
But lets talk about something reallll quick here. Did Ashley tell the producers she had a thing for celebrity look alikes? Because seriously. It’s freakin’ me out.
Ben F. = Josh Groban
Ames = Harry Connick Junior
And JP = Joseph Gordon Levitt without hair.
And finally, a word to the wise. No matter what he says, your boyfriend does not want to watch this show with you. He may sit through it and suffer with you, but he will complain every fifteen seconds about the stupidity of the show, and then get mad when you want to go back ten seconds to catch the line delivered before the steamy embrace. Then he’ll get mad over how dumb Ashley is. Then he will get really mad at stupid Bentley and want to punch the TV. Then the cycle starts over. And mostly, then he has a reason to make you feel bad and actually want to do it when he says, “Hey will you watch the NBA Playoffs with me? I watched The Bachelorette with you…”
So. Guess what I’m off to do?